Let me tell you a little bit about myself

Okay so the question, "Where's Reggie?" is really getting to me. Actually I have no idea where he is. He could be on the other side of the world right now and I'd be the last person to know. And that's the way he wants it to be.

There is a problem with dating friends. Once you are no longer dating the friend, things get weird. Honestly, my friends mean a lot to me. I think on the show FRIENDS there was a saying...something along the lines of "When you are alone in a city, your friends are your family." or something like that. I'm sure I completely butchered that line, but you get my idea. In the end I value my friendships a helluva lot and that's the way I've always been. That being said, I have absolutely no problem being friends with an ex. He, on the other hand, can't seem to handle it.

Before dating him I told him that above all things I want to know that if this were to ever end our friendship would surpass anything challenging it. And he agreed, thinking that we would get married one day and he would never actually have to deal with the reality that comes after breaking up. I foolishly thought he was mature enough to handle that type of situation.

A few years later we come to what is now. He says he doesn't respond to my text messages in a quickly fashion because, "We aren't dating, so I'm not going to respond like I'm your boyfriend." Say what? I didn't know boyfriends had a particular way of responding to text messages! And I didn't know friends were supposed to completely ignore them. Man, where are these rules and why have I not heard of them?? So to handle that situation I refrain from text messaging, IMing, or calling him anymore. I have other, more appreciative, people that I would rather surround myself with.

So this is what happened...

There was a month that the two of us were in a confusing stage. We weren't together, but we sure did act like it. We weren't interested in other people and we were still completely faithful to each other. During that month he actually introduced me to people as his girlfriend. I was confused, but let it slide. Whatever.

When we were together I was his number one priority. When he was with his other friends he didn't have the time of day for me.

It got to the point where I was frustrated with the ambiguity of where we stood. I asked him. He told me, "Well we aren't together Yesenia." Oh shit, are you serious? I thought we were engaged. I love being talked to like a 4 year old.

So I was hurt, upset with myself, not completely happy in life, and keeping all of this to myself and to about 4 of my closest friends, including my sister. My family didn't know because I didn't want them to worry. Plus my dad's line, "You're young, don't bark up the same tree. Go have fun, do what you want, be single." kept buzzing in my head. Yes dad, you were right. This time. Damn. (But is anyone else confused as to why my dad is encouraging me to be a whore? Boy do I heart my parents.)

So came a Friday. I think I had pretty much poured my heart out to him (regrettably) over IM because Cingular is the root of all evil and couldn't give me a signal to save my life even if I was being raped in a dark alley. I was waiting for a response, when he told me: I have to go, my friends are here. Hmm, thanks as lot (jerk). You've known me for 3 years and you're going to toss aside everything I just told you for people you've known for a few months? Grrrreat. So I visited him, and asked if he ever planned on getting back with me. Why we had gone through this last month. Did you ever plan on marrying me? Or having Austin and Travis (the name we said we would give our children because of where we met) with me?

"No."

"Good to know."

And that was that.

I don't know why I'm writing all of this, and I'm sure no one will want to read this from start to finish. Of course many details are left out, but that is how our story ended. Yes things were good at times, but things were also very bad at times. I myself never knew if I wanted to be with him forever, but I went with it.

People tell me, "Did you try hard enough?" What am I supposed to do? Force him? Make a love potion? Why is it my job? If both people aren't in it, it's not the same. My love had started to fade with every day that passed and I no longer knew if even I was still in it. But I continued with it for the sake of everything we had gone through together. For the sake of us. But it got to the point where the best thing for me and what I needed to do for myself so that I would no longer hurt myself or have my heart turn into complete stone, was to just let it go. And I did.

And realizing that I was letting go is a whole new story.