Que sera, sera.

Dejame pensar en lo que quiero decir. Hay cosas que hacemos porque es necesario. No porque queremos hacerlos. Siento casi como que ya no tengo alguien con que puedo hablar. Y porque? Porque yo hice algo. Pero todo va a estar bien. Como siempre. No me gusta llorar. Y no me gustar sentar como me siento.

It's almost 9:30 and I want to play poker. Where is Roger? I guess I'm going solo tonight. Maybe I'll do better than I have in the past.

Today was draining. In every way possible. Mentally, physically, whateverlly... Once I got home and saw my room and my bed, I just wanted to sleep for hours on end. Just like Shadow. Lucky cat.

I found a dog. I named her Susie. I thought she was pregnant, apparently she was just fat. Want to see her?


My sister thinks she has some kind of thyroid disease which is common in beagles. It also makes them seem a bit more depressed, and as their facial features become droopy. Lexie, our german sheperd that passed away about two years ago, had it as well. I guess I'm an idiot for taking her to the shelter, cause now I guess she'll die. But I just wanted to help her. Actually, I wanted to keep her. But I know that it's not smart. I guess lately I'm trying to do what's smart instead of what I want to do. Yea yea yea.

That's the problem with growing up. You start making decisions you really don't want to do because you know it's better for the masses. Sometimes I think I follow a utilitarianistic point of view when it comes to life. I'm sure I've said that before here. I want to please everyone, so I get stuck in situations that I know I shouldn't. In the end I think I'll be miserable, but others will be happy. That's all that matters, right? As long as others are happy then it's okay if I'm miserable. I keep thinking of what I'm doing, and how I'm regressing to something I shouldn't, and it makes me cry. I hate this feeling, and this entire week it's made me a bit more depressed. I hate that word. Depressed.

In the end I only have myself to blame for the situations which surround me. No one else.